Where we’re going is an important question that we are asked almost on a daily basis. The answer could be as simple as “to the grocery store” or as complex as “to Alaska for a new chapter in my life.” Where we’re going is important and something that fills a lot of our time, but where we’re coming from, now that’s what truly shapes our encounters with others. While it is important to know where we are coming from ourselves, it is just as important to realize that everyone we meet has a place of their own that they are native to. Sometimes we get to know this background, but many times we do not. For me, I like to keep in mind that one saying, “Be nice to everyone you meet because you never know what battles they are fighting.”More than once I’ve had a cashier at a store that was what I will classify here as “less than nice.” My first reaction is to think that they are a horrible person. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be nice to me? Don’t worry, I move past that initial reaction. This idea came to mind when I was shopping with one of my housemates the other day at Winn Dixie. It was a Friday and we had just gotten done working at the afterschool program. A week of crazy children and we were ready for a break. Our supplies were for a homemade pizza so we could enjoy a nice relaxing movie night. As we approached the checkout line we recognized our cashier as one of our fellow teachers in the afterschool program (because when you live in Immokalee you see people you know everywhere). During our exchange I told her that I hoped she didn’t have a long shift and could go home soon. She replied in a cheery tone that she was there until 11pm. If any cashier in the face of the planet has the right to be grouchy it was her. Lucky for me she wasn’t, but then again, I caught her at the beginning of her shift. So the next time I have a cranky cashier I will remember that maybe it’s because they had college classes all day then worked with 20 2nd graders for 2.5 hours and topped it off with a 6 hour shift on a Friday night.
Going back to those crazy kids that we work with, I have to remember that someone doesn’t have to be older to have a “where I’m coming from story.” I teach 15 kindergarteners each day and while I truly do enjoy and love them all, there are days when they are shall we say “less than obedient.” After a frustrating day I was talking with their daytime teacher about some problems I had come across. She gave me some background info. The ADHD kid who needs constant stimulation and reminders has a mother who says “I don’t have time to deal with him.” The little boy who cries during homework time has a mother who just moved away to go to college. . .7 hours away. The little girl who doesn’t speak English and has behavior problems is the oldest of 4 and is expected to take care of her little brothers and sisters. Each child has a story. When my patience has run out and I want to lose my temper I remember this. I realize that no matter what their background is, it is my job to give them a positive environment that fosters their learning and creativity.
I work one day a week at Guadalupe Social Services giving direct assistance to the people of Immokalee. I met a young woman who couldn’t keep a job. She had trouble learning new tasks and a limited attention span. She might be someone we would qualify as lazy and “less than desirable to employ”. Then I learned her story. She was from Mexico. She had been visiting some family in Georgia when she was 18 during which time she was in a car accident. She suffered brain damage. She had to undergo extensive rehab and her hopes of going to college were gone. The signs of her brain damage are not apparent to the standard onlooker. It is not a physical manifestation that is easily viewed and in meeting her I only noticed that she was a friendly young adult. The labels of lazy and stupid that might be put on her by an employer would be completely inaccurate when you think about how much she overcame to get where she is now and how much of a struggle daily tasks are for her now.
Learning other people’s “where I’m coming from stories” is enlightening and opens me up to a deeper understanding of the world. I must also remember to look introspectively at my own “where I’m coming from story” and how that’s affecting my interactions with others. I don’t know where I’ll be in a year, but I do know that this year is an addition to my own “where I’m coming from story.”
Now if only we could get a life map for all of these comings and goings, then we would be set.
Love,
Babs
**photo credit to the lovely Sarah Narkin. This was taken last week when we went to the beach in Miami on a cloudy, windy day .
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